That's Neverland
by Sandssavvy
Summary: Is Neverland really enough? (one-shot)


That is Neverland…

Summary: Is Neverland really enough?

Rating: PG, for mention of death non-graphic.

Author's Note: Just what I thought _could_ happen after Sylvia's death.

Disclaimer: I claim nothing….except this story!

_That is Neverland…_

When I, James Mathew Barrie, was a boy. I discovered a place called Neverland.

Originally it was a place for in my imagination where I would be free. In Neverland you could be anything. With a blink of your eyes you could change into a pirate, Indian, or a fairy. You could leave the pains of reality behind and fly…

Free, free from a life of pain, triviality, and normality. Because once you get down to it what is normal?

The normal, the orthodox, and the conventional. Created to keep us from our goals, wildest dreams, and greatest desires. They hold us down, and keep us from flying. Too many don't understand the truth. All you have to do is believe…

Neverland I always believed was a place that pain could never reach. Where nothing can keep you from what you want. Where nobody is pressuring you for you to marry, your next play, for you to grow up. In Neverland you don't grow old. You keep your innocence. You remain untainted by the evils of the world. Neverland is an escape from reality.

Over the years I have need Neverland more and more. It started when my brother died. I was the unwanted son. I could tell that my mother would have chosen him over me. How could I blame her for that? I missed him too, and part of me wished for the same thing.

I needed Neverland then, and I still do now. When I was a boy at first it was hard to believe. I was a lot like Peter is. Then believing slowly became easier.

These days it is hard to find the line separating Neverland from "reality." In every moment I enter my imagination I escape to this immortal land of innocence. Neverland is the only place were innocence can not die.

In the real world we are all bound down by rules. The upper-class society that my now ex-wife was so immersed in are meant to act like robots instead of people. Social climbers and the other bores belonging to this class are unable to reveal emotion. Only children seem to be able to truly show how they feel.

After a while though even children learn to hide inside. We learn to loose our childish ties to places like Neverland…. Well most of us do anyway. However, despite the fact that they know they must grow up and can never go back to their youths. Many try to grow up to fast. They don't realize what a gift those years are. Then they are grown and there is no going back.

I miss Sylvia so much. I find myself slipping into Neverland more often than ever to see her. There she remains immortal. The beauty and innocence that she still miraculously contained until her passing remains. She shall never be tainted by the other world this…. "reality" only serves to harm, torture, and taint us.

In Neverland I can tell her the secret that the world with all it's petty politics and culture kept me from saying…

_I love you._

I did from the moment I first saw the radiant rose that was Sylvia I loved her. She was the first breath of fresh air I had found in this stuffy English system. She was a perfect person. She was all I could ever look for, and she was all I could never have. I treasure our old conversations. I still remember my promise, and I know I will never regret making it.

_What's it like, Neverland?  
One day, I'll take you there._

Though I hadn't known her nearly as long I was able to take her to a place my ex-wife never could go. She was the only other adult I have found who could go to Neverland, and there she remains.

Now we are together in a place were no one can judge us. We are safe from the place that held us bound, and free spirits chained.

Is it enough? I used to think that Neverland would always be all I need. What else could there be?

There was something else I needed. I needed Sylvia, but she was dead. As much as I might love to think that she is alive in Neverland, even there she is not alive. For all that she can speak, laugh, and smile there I know. I know that when I wake up she will belong. No amount of pixie dust or the tears her children and I have shed for her shall truly bring her back.

So now I can only spend my days taking care of her boys with her mothers help, and returning to Neverland to see Sylvia. For a few moments my shattered heart becomes whole again when I see her, but just as soon as she's gone again and I am alone it breaks. I cry myself to sleep often now. In truth I am handling this worse than the boys.

I can see her ahead of me now with a smile to shame the sun.

"I love you Sylvia. I always miss you so-" My voice cracks and I start to weep. I know that when I go back to reality she will be gone.

She smiles and raises her hand to wipe my tears away. I quickly reach out my hand to grab hers to only see my hand go right through it.

She smiles again, sadly this time, and leans forward. The kiss I received was soft and sweet, but as gentle as butterfly wings. It was barely there, a ghosts touch.

_"I love you too James."_

For a moment that questions of reality and death don't matter. All that exists is me, Sylvia, and the kiss. A kiss that should be impossible. That heals my wounds, and makes my life livable. She has cured me after her death. Healed my broken heart, and for a few hours we can pretend that it will last. Pretend.

_That is Neverland…_


End file.
